I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
