I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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