Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
