either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Randomize
