You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
