I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
