Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
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