She went from zero to smokin in five shots
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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