Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
