Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
