I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
