No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
