Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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