ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
