i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
