At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
