it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
