some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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