He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
