Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
