I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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