I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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