i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
