marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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