he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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