We just shotgunned beers for America
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
