I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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