My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
