Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
