new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
