why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
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I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
This is the high leading the old right now
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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