i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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