we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
