My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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