it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
there was a trapeze. enough said
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
