she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
