i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
