i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just want nice things and good sex
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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