I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Randomize
