She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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