Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
We need to rekindle our bromance
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
