I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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