I faked an abortion last night.
well you can't waste a boner
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
