how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
