I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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