I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
