just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
