that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
