I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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