just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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