Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(352): View more from Florida

Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.

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(805): View more from California

He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.

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(714): View more from California

dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.

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(810): View more from Michigan

My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."

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(770): View more from Georgia

he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario

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(919): View more from North Carolina

if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever

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(732): View more from New Jersey

Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.

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(424): View more from California

I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed

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