If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize