the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
