No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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