evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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