I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
