I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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