3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
