He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
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