census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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