I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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