just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
