made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
