how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I skipped work to stalk him.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
