Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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