I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
