The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
You can't motorboat a personality
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
