were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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