vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
did i walk over a car last night?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
