When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize