dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
where are you?
Hypothermia
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
