Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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