I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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