My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
