were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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