remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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